Don’t start by asking “what is my purpose, what is my passion?” Start by asking “what are the problems that need to be solved? Which ones attract me?” And take a step towards that. Take one step, and the work will teach you where you need to take the next step.
-Jacqueline Novogratz
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
-African Proverb
It never ceases to amaze me how many Americans I meet are obsessed with categorizing themselves to the nth degree. Huge industries have been set up to tell us that we’re some minuscule percentage Hungarian, Scottish, or Irish so that we can identify ourselves with cultures and countries we’ve never experienced.
At our fingertips are an endless array of hobbies, entertainment options, and activities. We identify ourselves with them fanatically, to make sure that we never have to submit ourselves to the indignity of being “like other people.”
“I’m a Scots-Irish RPG playing nerd who loves climbing!” Someone might say. “Oh really?” Someone might say in response. “I’m a Norwegian/Nigerian gamer who likes to run, but not too much, and loves cosplay!”
I, I, I, ego, ego, ego!
This is, unfortunately, the way we look at personal improvement in the west as well. We do it for ourselves, thinking that if we just follow our passions, take enough courses, pursue enough hobbies, and develop the magic side hustle for ourselves, we’ll be happy! Just as long as one of the words we can add to our endlessly growing list of personal characteristics is “successful.”
This is counterintuitive BS. The two things that make people happiest, shown time and time again, are:
Deep connections to other human beings (the feeling of community)
Following your passion or living your best life are cute ideas, certainly. But what do they actually provide the world? Not much.
“What do I love doing?” is the wrong question. That’s how you end up with a basement full of model trains/stamps/porcelain crap, a beefed-up security system, and no one to share it with.
The question we need to be asking ourselves is: “how does what I love to do intersect with the problems the world needs to be solved?”
“The cult of individuality is also the cult of optionality. When you commit to something bigger than yourself, it will set you free.”
-Jacqueline Novogratz
Love model trains? Don’t create the world’s biggest Western train replica in your basement! Come on, hoarder! Create an after-school program to share model trains and the joy of creation with the next generation!
Human beings crave meaningful community above all else, but we are told by the modern world that that’s not actually what we want. We idolize billionaires, thinking that we need to improve ourselves endlessly to succeed so that we can end up on top of a mountain of gold alone like Jeff Bezos.
You know who does that? Dragons! How well does that ever work out for them in literature? People are always riding up to try and kill them and take what they’ve hoarded. Dragons have very few meaningful relationships.
In Jon Krakauer’s fantastic book Into the Wild, he tells us that when Chris McCandless was lying in a bus in the Alaskan wilderness, poisoned and starving to death, he wrote down the words “happiness only real when shared.” He had to journey out alone, shun his family, and be on death’s door to have this realization. You, on the other hand, do not.
We hear the same story over and over again. Someone who’s dying wishes they’d spent less time chasing shallow success and more time with the people that they love. LISTEN TO THEM. These are just about the only people whose opinions on success actually matter.
You will never find happiness on your own, seeking for yourself. It’s a fact of life. Your life will be measured by the quality of your relationships and the depth of your love.
I’d love to write more, but it’s golden hour and I have frisbees to throw and a river to swim in with my friends. Aaaaah, success!
You Can't Self Your Way To Happiness