“Our research really shows that the magnitude of risk presented by social isolation is very similar in magnitude to that of obesity, smoking, lack of access to care and physical inactivity,”
I’ve seen a troubling trend the last few years, starting with a few best-selling books, and growing out of control to justify our digitally disconnected way of life.
I call it: trendy introversion.
This is the idea that isolating yourself and binge consuming social media, news, and streaming services somehow counts as “introversion.”
There is a major difference between recharging by yourself and isolating yourself. The explosion of positivity around real introversion is a good thing, but there’s a line to be drawn.
Some of the introversion hype has more to do with a justification of the unhealthy, digitally isolated way we live in the modern world, not a magic rise of a population of people we didn’t know were there before.
Please understand that I am not denying the existence of introverts, nor saying that there isn’t tremendous power and beauty in recharging by yourself (I wrote this in a mentor’s mountain cabin that I came to alone for three days to reconnect with myself and my message last year).
According to Myers-Briggs, I’m about 60–40 extrovert/introvert. Creative people usually flow between both.
What I’m saying is this:
We are more isolated right now in the rich world than we’ve ever been, as a result of the many addictive technologies that we have access to. People who were already isolating themselves have co-opted the introversion movement to justify their unhealthy lifestyles.
It is now easier than ever before to spend time alone. With one or two devices, you can whittle away hours or an entire day easily, hopping back and forth from screen to screen.
Watching TV alone while you scroll through Instagram isn’t “introversion.” It’s not “re-charging.” It’s isolation, which is measurably terrible for you.
There isn’t a person on Earth who doesn’t need some degree of face-to-face social interaction. It doesn’t have to be daily, but it does have to happen.
Face-to-face interaction is the fabric of life. Babies need a certain amount of eye contact and touch to develop properly. Those who report being in the 99th percentile of happy people spend time with others face-to-face more often.
For extroverts, this can be new people. For true introverts, it’s often their ride-or-die loyal people. But it’s people. This is why married and religious people live longer. Your body releases a whole host of happiness-boosting chemicals during face-to-face interactions and while engaging in appropriate friendly physical touch.
Two of my best friends from university are introverts. When I meet up with either one (generally the only way we meet up, since they prefer to avoid crowds) I’m always blown away and amazed by their ability to listen and not interject, the way they weigh things before they speak.
I always walk away from those interactions feeling like I’ve learned something. Introverts do have real power, especially in today’s grab-your-attention-advertising world where everything is yelling at you.
As far as I’m concerned, the ability to filter information and respond wisely in a few words is a freakin’ superpower nowadays. That is the quality that I value and deeply respect from my introverted friends, because since I was a small child, I’ve talked too much and listened too little, and have developed an amazing ability to put my foot in my mouth in social situations.
Never has one of my introverted friends said:
“Man, I’ve just been scrolling through Instagram by myself for hours lately while Mad Men endlessly plays to no one in the background, and I feel so recharged!”
That would be absurd! That type of behavior is good for no one.
Even though they recharge alone, my friends recharge on solo hikes, long drives, or reading something interesting.
Isolating ourselves with only our TVs and phones for company is terrible for us. We are communal animals, even if that communion is quiet.
There is a beautiful world out there, and most of us, including myself at times, spend too much time isolating ourselves with our devices, ignoring it. We have to be honest with ourselves if we want more fulfilling lives. If you watch way too much TV alone or spend too much time scrolling through your phone by yourself, don’t call it introversion.
Call it what it is: a hijacking of your mind and inner peace by people who are spending huge amounts of money to steal your attention. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means you need to live a more intentional life by fighting back.
We are all unfortunately subject to massive, well-funded industries that use advertising to steal our time, sanity, and happiness.
If we want to design fulfilling and contented lives, we have to be honest with ourselves. We can’t keep giving into these forces, isolating ourselves looking at dissatisfaction-driving glowing screens, coming up with reasons to justify this lifestyle as if it is natural. It is not.
I love all of you, whether you are real introverts or are just claiming to be introverted in the digital age. As we face this loneliness and dissatisfaction epidemic together, we have to fight smarter and harder. Let’s give ourselves a fighting chance by being honest with ourselves.
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