How to Destroy Your Inner Dragons

You've got to face yourself

"No one likes epic heroes without epic monsters."
-Alex Hormozi

Image generated by the author using StarryAI

Two years ago, very early in my journey through Central and South America, I attempted to shake my psyche into submission through surfing.

One fine November day, I paddled out into a choppy Panamanian thunderstorm.

Don’t try this at home, kids!

I’d looked out at the waves from my surf hostel’s window that morning and saw that there was no one on them.

Perfect. I thought. It’s choppy, but maybe the (super experienced) local surfers are missing out. Maybe there are good waves out there that I can’t see from shore.

There weren’t.

What was out there was a tropical coastal thunderstorm. I paddled out in a light sprinkle, but once I was out at the break, the wind picked up it started dumping rain.

In sheets.

You know, like a tropical thunderstorm does. I had put myself in a bad situation, and I was scared.

I could barely see the shore. I was paddling for my life, but the current was against me. The wild waves kept toppling me over, coming from every direction to throw me off my board and hold me down for a few seconds.

Every time I got up and gasped for air, I never got quite enough before I was thrown back under.

Somehow, in one of my life's most terrifying moments, my guard was far enough down that I experienced a profound revelation.

Enter My Dragon

At that moment, knowing that I was in life-threatening trouble, my mind offered me this nugget:

You’ve been telling your story like you’re a ‘victim’ of your religious upbringing. If you want to live the kind of life you claim you want to live, you’ve got to let that sh*t go. You’ve got to forgive and move on.

It didn’t come as a full sentence. It came in an instant, as a ‘knowing.’

Shortly after that revelation, the storm cleared.

I paddled back in through the chop, having caught:

• 0 waves

• 1 life-changing revelation.

I walked back to my dormitory and wrote down everything I remembered, my hands shaking with fear after surviving my stupid choice to paddle out that day.

“Some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again.”

-Philip Pullman

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The best part about that hostel? There was no wifi. No reception of any kind. I was a three-hour bus ride from the nearest city.

The only thing I had for entertainment was a humidity-ripped copy of Lame Deer: Seeker of Visions that I’d found on the hostel bookshelf, and my own thoughts.

I couldn’t distract myself from this revelation.

Over the next week, my mind picked it apart.

"Through my journey, I figured out the one piece I was missing. I thought it was cars, I thought it was women, I thought it was money. I thought it was everything. The one piece I was missing was having the courage to face myself."
-David Goggins

A victim of religion? My ego balked at the thought. I’m not a victim of anything!

But my conscience was right. I had indeed been telling my story like I was a victim of religion.

I needed to forgive and move forward.

After all the running, blaming, and finger-pointing, I found forgiveness at the end of the earth.

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“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past.”

-Buddy Wakefield

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In the beginning, I called my journey through Central America The Unfamiliar Movement Project. If you’ve been reading my writing for a while, you may remember when I tried to pivot in that direction two years ago.

That wasn’t the right story.

The movement helped, to be sure. But what ultimately changed my life for the better was all the quiet times when I was forced to just… sit there.

With only my inner dragons for company.

You have three choices with your inner dragons:

1. Ignore them and hope they go away (they won’t).

2. Face them halfheartedly and let them drive you insane.

3. Face them and overcome them.

It is very, very, difficult to face your inner dragons in your comfortable shell, in your normal routine, surrounded by all your devices. Not impossible, but much harder than it is out of your comfort zone.

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Go on a hike without your phone. Go backpacking for two days with a journal and no other devices. Sit through a ten-day Vipassana meditation retreat.

There are many ways to find your inner dragons and face them without needing to put yourself in a life-threatening situation.

But you need to find them. When you find them, you need to listen when they start talking.

They’ll tell you everything you need to know to let them go.