Friday Fun Flier II
Notes on clear communication, a great book, and the funniest podcast you'll ever find.
Hello friends, family, and fun people!
I hope this finds you safe and healthy. I’d like to share a personal story to kick things off:
Two weeks ago, an article I wrote on Medium went viral. As I watched my stats and dollars tick up, I became more addicted to my phone than ever before, allowing it into my writing space for the first time. This brought a piano-sized amount of stress crashing down on my head and destroyed my creativity. I barely wrote anything, my attention span in tatters as I gave my phone my attention over and over again, looking for more dopamine.
This meant that I used my phone for more than usual. I started breaking my own rules, having my phone on me at all times, being in contact with others constantly. This meant that I was texting my girlfriend at all hours, including when I was supposed to be teaching.
Stress compounded. I believed that this was a new expectation, that she'd be frustrated if I asked for space from my phone during certain times of the day, after becoming a constant contact-er.
I finally worked up the (unnecessary) courage to ask. In the ensuing conversation, I found out that the constant contact was stressing her out too! She's always hated texting. There are yawning chasms of potential miscommunication just waiting to gobble you up.
We talked it over, set personal boundaries, and became even closer.
The stress and anxiety were all in my head.
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”
-Groucho Marx
“A politician is someone who promises you a bridge when there isn't a river.”
- Shantaram
Two days ago, I was eating lunch in the Teachers Lounge at the same table as two of my middle-aged co-workers. I overheard them read a joke from Facebook that went something like this:
“My wife's been leaving jewelry magazines laying around the house... So I got her a magazine rack!”
Harr de harr, harr.
As my fellow Educators laughed, my mind was racing. There's so much crap to unpack in this simple joke! It assumes that:
Women and men are different creatures, who will never be able to communicate clearly. Men are stupid, oblivious, blundering trolls, and women (who are materialistic and obsessed with shiny rocks) must manipulate men into buying these shiny rocks for them!
It is normal to drop incessant hints instead of asking for what you want/need in a relationship.
Indirect manipulation is the proper way to go about getting what you want from those you love.
What a nightmare! Can you imagine being trapped in a situation like this?
I’ve been conditioned to want to consume stupid pointless crap, but I don't want to buy it myself... I know! I'll leave pictures of the pointless thing I want lying around until my significant other catches on and buys me the shiny rock I desire!
This is an extreme example, from one of those Blue-Collar-Comedy-Tour-esque scenarios where a porky middle-aged man shakes his fist at the sky and shouts: “My WIFE!”
My book recommendation for this week is William Zinsser’s classic On Writing Well, I'd like to share an excerpt that grabbed me and shook me:
“Americans are unwilling to go out on a limb. A generation ago our leaders told us where they stood and what they believed. Today they perform strenuous verbal feats to escape that fate. Watch them wriggle through TV interviews without committing themselves. I remember President Ford assuring a group of visiting businessmen that his policies would work. He said ‘We see nothing but increasingly brighter clouds every month’... Later administrations brought no relief. Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger, assessing a Polish crisis in 1984, said ‘There's continuing ground for serious concern and the situation remains serious. The longer it remains serious, the more ground there is for serious concern’... But my all-time champ is Elliot Richardson, who held four major cabinet positions in the 1970s. (When asked for) his analysis of how to ease boredom among assembly line workers: ‘And so, at last, I come to the firm conviction that I mentioned at the beginning, it is that the subject is too new for final judgments.’”
This book was last updated 20 years ago, and yet we’re living the same story. Look up interviews of Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, or Ted Cruz. Pretty much any established politician will do. That vague sense of sliminess that exudes from them is wishy-washy-ness.
Watch them closely. Notice how they're not actually saying anything except when assuring the people that all of society's problems are, in fact, the fault of the other political party.
There's so much room for interpretation in their words, so much blankness that the simple mind can latch onto and say “they agree with me!”
“I had never covered American politics. It simply was outside my whole interest range. It seemed to exist only to maintain itself. I mean, it didn't seem to have any relationship with the people who hung around gas stations. It didn't seem to connect with the rest of the country.”
-Joan Didion.
The nutcase who just left the White House was an unhinged loose cannon, but half of our country was so starved for clear communication that when he came along, people worshipped him simply for saying what was on his mind. Even though that mind was full of cobwebs, fried chicken grease, and racism.
Can you imagine the power of a leader who spoke from their heart, and was a competent human being?
Fingers crossed, this political Messiah will show up soon. Until they do, it's up to us.
There's no better gift you can give to those you love than clear communication. This week, try to be intentional about asking for what you want and need. The people who matter will thank you for this. The people who don't? They'll fade away. Let them. Life's too short.
Small changes matter, creating ripple effects that echo out into the population. All you can control is yourself and how you communicate. You cannot control others, and you cannot force people to be who you want them to be. But you can be the clearest communicator that you can imagine.
Don't be political in your own life. Politicians are nothing but a model for how not to say what you really mean. Be a warrior.
What I’m reading this week:
On Writing Well by William Zinsser.
This book is one of those perennial sellers that writers have been buying and using for almost 50 years, passing it along through word of mouth.
However, this is not just a book for writers. If you are looking for ways to communicate better in your own life, this book is for you! He takes you through how to find and use the right words, how not to drone on, and how to write and speak so that people want to listen.
This book has captivated me. My copy is highlighted, dog-eared, and loved. His chapter on rooting out clutter is alone worth the purchase price of the book.
What I’m re-listening to:
In the twilight of his life, his retirement years, Rocky Flintstone (the pen name for an old Irishman) decided to start writing erotica from a female perspective.
His protagonist is named Belinda Blumenthal, a saleswoman at Steele’s pots and pans.
My girlfriend showed me this podcast, and it is the funniest content that I’ve ever consumed (As a warning, it is NSFW). The format of this podcast is three English friends, reading through Rocky’s badly written erotica.
It is amazing. My favorite sentence from the podcast is “Her nipples hardened like the three-inch rivets that held together the hull of the fateful Titanic.” I aspire to one day write sentences that weird.
That’s all I’ve got for everybody today :) I hope that everybody goes forward, communicates clearly, and seizes their day!
Thanks for reading,
Aaron Nichols