Beliefs Are Not More Important Than People.
Trust me, I grew up in the church
“Doubts are not the enemy of belief. They are its companion.”
-Malcolm Gladwell, Talking to Strangers.
I grew up in a fairly hardcore evangelical church. I also had the misfortune of experiencing night terrors and sleep paralysis from a very young age. As anyone who grew up the same way (and was a little bit different) knows, this is a perfect recipe for future anxiety and fear, stemming from absolute nonsense.
At a young age, during one of my night terror episodes, I was introduced to the medieval concept of "spiritual warfare."
Before I share that experience, a disclaimer. Sleep paralysis is a perfectly natural part of many people's lives that has to do with the REM cycle. Following? Good.
That was not the information I received at the age of eight. I was told that spiritual warfare was to blame, which essentially boils down to the idea that angels and demons were battling for my soul in the middle of the night, in my room.
Even though I haven't bought into this idea since I was about 12, there was a miserable four-year period wherein I believed that there were demons in my room at night. Every time I woke up unable to move, I thought I would be paralyzed forever unless I called out God's name. I would whisper it under my breath, trying not to wake the brother I shared a room with. When the paralysis subsided and I was able to move again, I would pray, sometimes for hours, for this to end. To be able to sleep without "demonic attacks."
‘Some people hate Jesus.’
‘No. Brilliant mind, loving heart, significant penance: Jesus was the real deal. They might know Christians they don’t like, but nobody hates Jesus.”
-Gregory David Roberts, The Mountain Shadow.
It was years before I could sleep right, and I was well into adulthood before I stopped having regular night terrors. Before I accepted that being an active sleeper is a natural part of who I am.
I'm sharing this story to illustrate a point that is more important now than ever before:
Belief shapes experience more than experience shapes belief. Burn this into your mind. This is one of the greatest happiness and contentment-boosting truths I've ever encountered.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
-Kurt Vonnegut
As a child, the belief that demons and angels were battling in my room gave me the lived experience of demons and angels battling in my room. That belief was nonsense, but the experience was not. The terror I felt was real. And it was no one's fault! My parents were acting according to their beliefs, doing the right thing for their son according to their code.
Here's what we consistently get wrong:
Beliefs do not deserve respect simply because you have them. Beliefs are just what we've glued together and piled up delicately in our minds to explain this crazy world to ourselves. Everyone does this, and it's one of the reasons nobody can agree on anything these days. Everyone thinks that their ability to make a belief out of thin air deserves some sort of respect. It doesn't, it's a base human trait. “Respect my beliefs” is the rallying call of people whose beliefs don't stand up to the slightest scrutiny, who are unwilling to change their beliefs because they are rigid and comfortable.
Your beliefs only deserve respect if they:
Don't alienate ANY group of people.
Create more happiness and less hate in your own life.
Bring you closer to other people.
IN THAT ORDER.
A well-lived, happy life is more of a perspective trick than something that just happens for some people through mysterious magic. People who believe that they are having a largely positive experience tend to have a largely positive experience.
Yes, my PC people, I see you. I'm not talking about trauma right now, I'm talking about lenses for universal human experiences, like divorce, heartbreak, or job loss. People who are conditioned to see these experiences as opportunities will see them as opportunities. People who see them as life-shattering will let them shatter their lives.
Ultimately, what you believe is not that important. The what can be almost anything, and a little travel can show you how many whats there are. People believe crazy stuff here and abroad. The only thing that matters is the how of belief. How your beliefs inform your experience in the world. How your beliefs cause you to treat other people, especially those who disagree with you or are different from you.
If you believe that a sentient watermelon named OogleBoog runs the universe, great! Does this watermelon require you to hate Hungarians and Danish people? Then that belief deserves no respect.
Here's a more relevant example:
Do you believe that one politician or another is going to change things for the better? Great! Does your belief in that politician or political system require you to see half of your own country as knuckle-dragging idiots, simply because they acquire information in different echo chambers?
Then that belief deserves no respect.
Every political party, club, country, religion, and ideology in the world is made up of one thing: people. We are all susceptible to lies, desire for power, money, and corruption. We all want to believe certain things at the expense of certain people.
Similarly, we all can experience joy and love. Right now, our neighbors need love more than ever. If there is an entire group of people that you believe act a certain way and are your enemy, that belief needs to be thrown out and re-examined. It's never that simple. Trust me, I grew up in the church.
Allow room for nuance. Open yourself up to a more positive experience in the world. Our future depends on it.
I love you, my friends. Go spread some love.
I really love this perspective and whole-hearted embrace it.